


Holi Bride

by ClaireFisher



Series: Words In Between [18]
Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: F/M, Post-Episode: s04e06 Bollywood Homicide, Romance, Shules, midnight talks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:55:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28673307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireFisher/pseuds/ClaireFisher
Summary: “Grandpa, do you think it is possible to love two people?”Shawn chuckled, a hollow smile to a question, deep down, he knew the answer, almost listening to his grandfather's raspy voice echoing in the night breeze.“Kid, listen carefully. You may think you love a lot of girls throughout your life but I’ll tell you something, there’s only one who will change you, will show you what love really feels like, and son, when you find her, believe me, you’ll know.”Post-Episode 04x06: Bollywood Homicide
Relationships: Juliet O'Hara/Shawn Spencer
Series: Words In Between [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1817497
Comments: 11
Kudos: 9





	Holi Bride

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Sunday everyone!
> 
> So, here it comes a new extension! This one was planned for quite some time now, and I hope it turned out okay. I know I've been more on the gloomy side this past few updates, leaving Shawn's bubbly, humorous personality at bay, but I feel like, at this point in the show, he's more confused than ever, balancing his unconfessed feelings and his new relationship, which leaves a lot of room to be explored! But I promise to bring our fun and light Shawn back on my next extension!
> 
> Also, I decided to bring Shawn's grandpa in this piece because I feel like, from the little scene we got to see between the two, he's special and maybe one of the only ones who get Shawn completely. I hope it was a good choice to bring him here.
> 
> All this said I hope you all enjoy this little piece, and please, leave a comment, suggestion, or anything else you feel like! I love to read your opinions and the feedback is always appreciated <3

And it happened again.

Not that it was any surprise nor unexpected. 

By now, Shawn was well accustomed, unfortunately, with his mind often hunting him in his dreams, with lively scenes of disfigured faces, lifeless bodies, and more blood than any gory blockbuster movie could bear in its 86 minutes duration.

In those last four years, he had a good share of sleepless nights, causing him to wonder at which point it was healthy to keep going like this and when his mother would force him to seek psychological help. But, of course, this was only a brief reflection to cross his mind, so fast gone that Shawn would classify it as an unnecessary thought rather than a serious matter to consider.

But the worst part of the nightmares popping in his head from time to time, is the protagonist. 

Earlier in his life, it would be his dad or mom, then Gus or even other members of his family and his friends but, after working directly with the SBPD and getting acquainted with a certain Detective, Shawn discovered how vicious his own powerful brain could be. 

Because now it had a favorite person to pick as the lead in those dreadful nightmares, where she was most likely being chased, murdered, shot at, kidnapped, to name a few. The most awful, most terrifying things that could happen to a person, was what was going to happen to Juliet. 

And when she was actually injured in the field, being it a scratch or a more serious wound, immediately Shawn would squirm his face in disgust, eyes shut tightly for a brief second as he feared for her life and well being while he braced himself for the upcoming night, where he was one hundred percent sure that his brain was ready to play some tricks on him, and a restless sleep was going to welcome him.

So, this night, unsurprisingly, it was no different. 

Maybe that’s why Shawn refused Abigail’s invitation for him to come in when he dropped her at her house after they visited the station for him to collect his paycheck. Or because of the realization that came struck him right in the middle of the bullpen, in front of the woman he called his girlfriend while his eyes were settled in the blond Detective who owned his heart, engrossed in her typing.

She wasn’t random.

Would never be.

And that verdict struck him so powerfully that Shawn felt his breath hitch slightly, fearing what his corrupted heart would lead him to do if Abigail wasn’t standing right in front of him.

Of course, that was all hypothetical, after all, he wasn’t that type of man, would never be. 

Faithfulness was something he valued deeply and would stand for no matter what.

But right there, while the chocolate orbits of his girlfriend silently inquired him, much like she did the previous week at their date after she mentioned Juliet’s call, Shawn wondered if the simple fact of his blond friend affecting him more than Abigail ever could wasn’t already cheating in some form. 

Yet, he let it pass, not ready to dive into that thought, rather seeking solace and peace in those last few hours of the day until night came and his brain started to plot its owner's death. 

And, indeed, Shawn felt the chilly grip of death the moment Sita’s knife sliced Juliet’s throat right in front of him, crimson blood pouring like a cascade as her body limped and fell lifeless on the ground, pale, eyes closed, leading Shawn to lose his mind and breath. 

Just that small memory was enough to weaken his knees, causing Shawn to fault a little on his steps towards the main street, heading to a certain known path, one that he decided to take in order to clear his mind and calm his heart once he woke up from those horrible scenes, an escape from his place and drenched sheets. 

Again, he failed at telling Juliet how much she means to him. Once more he lost his chance, and Shawn would keep martyrizing himself for the umpteenth time about how he could be so stupid and remain silent each time he had an opportunity to change his reality and be with her.

Because, under the daylight, that simple matter is so much more complicated, involves more people than him and Jules and a trail of heartbreak that he wasn’t ready to deal with, a chance to mess everything up, especially with Juliet, that Shawn wasn't willing to risk. Not yet. 

It didn’t take long for him to realize where his feet, at that moment possessing their own willpower, were dragging him, changing the route from the beach to a certain white house with cream doors that he had crossed by rather often in those last few years. 

The front window had its curtain opened and the light coming from the TV was illuminating partially the spectator and the couch she was sitting above. Even with the dim light and the darkness of the night sky, Shawn could still make out the lines of her golden hair, loosened and damp, the profile of her delicate features, and her curled form on the right end of the furniture. 

He knows that no good could come from his wish to barge in, to interrupt her rest, doesn’t matter how much he wanted to climb the three steps to her entrance and knock on the door. So Shawn resolved to keep walking, leaving Juliet to her peaceful night while he drowned in his own overthinking. 

He would have to give it to Raj when the guy went steaming furious at the idea of using the woman he loves as bait. Shawn had tasted the bitterness of his own proposal when he watched it develop to the last unpleasant events of that month. How seeing Juliet with a guy who, even him knowing that was only a farce, killed a little bit of him each time a date happened. 

But what he didn’t notice was the breath stuck in Jules’ throat the moment he leaned in on that trap, a few weeks ago, so close he could see each stripe of dark blue on her sparkling eyes, her ethereal view so mesmerizing that, for a second there, he felt like he had lost it, almost letting the clue that had caught his attention to slip away at the temptation of kissing her panic away until she melted against his embrace. 

But, again, he wouldn’t. 

Couldn’t.

After a few minutes down this memory lane, Shawn realized that he had to unload his fuming brain, had to talk to someone, anyone and in an impetus movement, he fished his phone and dialed Gus, seeking the moody response of his friend, who wouldn’t appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night to listen to his best friend masking his own fears by attempting mockery, and an offer to a good midnight snack. 

But, instead, the machine answered him, and Shawn felt the disappointment clutch his heart, leading him to resolve in calling the one he wouldn’t in this circumstance. His father would be a great option if he wasn’t so rash and hard and, after not a minute of thorough consideration, Shawn decided he didn’t have the emotions to deal with lectures and advice that would come through criticism and disapproval.

At a loss, he pondered if returning home was the best decision but he quickly dropped it as the nightmare invaded his brain once more, leaving him with only one other option, one that he hadn’t taken lately, that he had contradictory feelings about since it was either comforting and painful. 

But it was his only option so he turned left on the avenue and walked a good few minutes. 

Crossing the gates of the cemetery he easily found his grandfather’s crypt, a place he has come a few times during the years, as to recollect the advice of the old man, who always had a way to understand him better than anyone. On the picture incrusted on the grey marble, stood Mr. Spencer and his wife, both buried together for their love lasted forever. 

It was him, the oldest Spencer, to teach Shawn that life is supposed to be fun too, to be light and adventurous. That it’s okay to relax and go wild once in a while, a thing, of course, Shawn took at heart and maxed to dangerous levels in his rebellious years but that, now, at the light of maturity and past mistakes, he understood it meant losing up the leash on routine and let chaos to soak the rules a little. 

Touching the photo with his fingertips, Shawn inhaled, feeling the cold glass against his skin as he tried to calm down his racing mind, missing his humorous comments in an attempt to relieve the thickened air around him, tainted by his heavy heart.

“Grandpa, do you think it is possible to love two people?”

He chuckled, a hollow smile to a question, deep down, he knew the answer, almost listening to his grandfather's raspy voice echoing in the night breeze. 

_ “Kid, listen carefully. You may think you love a lot of girls throughout your life but I’ll tell you something, there’s only one who will change you, will show you what love really feels like, and son, when you find her, believe me, you’ll know.” _

Resting his hand atop of his grandparent’s crypt, Shawn longed his eyes on it, before he let his answer fill the silence surrounding him, for the hundredth time wishing his grandpa was actually there. 

“I know. It isn’t. At least not equally.”

Sighing, he passed one of his hands through his brown locks, eyes lost on the memories of that last case, the bubbling jealousy in his gut, the dread fear freezing his heart the moment Juliet was gone, his blood rushing to his ears when he saw that sharp knife held against Jules’ neck. 

_ “And what do I do when I find her?” _

_ Smiling, he rested a hand on his grandson’s shoulder, knowing eyes sparkling under the sunset sun. _

_ “You hold her. You don’t let her run away. You tell her how much you love her. You vow to spend the rest of your life with her, boy. And believe in this old man, it’s worth it. Every single second of your life. Is worth it.”  _

“You know gramps, I found her. I found the one. And guess what? I let her slip away. What a great man I am, huh?”

But instead of meeting his grandpa’s disapproving words, which were nothing near his father’s, Shawn met silence once more. The only sound there coming from the rustling of the leaves on a nearby tree. 

“I don’t know what to do, gramps. I….” - he sighed once more, frustration past the point of simply invading his mind, but actually seeping into his every single bone. It was too much, too overwhelming and each day was getting harder to deny a reality he knew from day one. - “I think that… I think that I… That I love Jules.”

His eyes widened, his fingertips coming to his lips, caressing the skin as if he didn’t believe in what he had said, what had come out of his mouth. 

It couldn’t be.

Still, he knew he had said it.

Confessed, really.

God, he loved her. 

For the first time in four years, Shawn admitted it.

Perhaps only for himself, but he did anyway.

And as relieving as it was, the weight on his shoulders instantly grew heavier. 

What should he do about it? 

He couldn’t mess things up. He owned Abigail that much. He had to work things out with her. If he couldn’t keep a simple relationship with her, how could he with Juliet?

And he wasn’t willing to mess anything up with Jules. Anyone but Jules. 

Images of that afternoon flooded his mind. Juliet on that assembled stage, arm around Raj’s waist, her broad and warm smile towards the crowd as they kept going with their undercover plan. But instead of looking at it as a simple “doing the job” thing, Shawn felt his heart burning at the idea of Juliet getting engaged with Raj, or with any other man for that matter.

He couldn’t deal with it, couldn't even look at it, only longing his eyes at the scene because his blond friend was very attractive in that traditional Sari, the baby blue causing her eyes to flame and drive his mind to place Shawn ought to visit, never allowing himself to think that far. 

But she would make a beautiful bride, perhaps, the most beautiful that would ever be.

Sure, that all was fast supplanted by more urgent matters such as saving lives and cuffing a wacko woman. 

Still, the idea kept hovering in his mind, deciding right there to stop by and say hello. 

Inhaling deeply, Shawn caught sight of his grandparent’s picture one last time, their smiles and love as vivid as it was in that wedding portrait taken in the 50’s. 

“I’m sorry I disappointed you, Gramps. I just wish I… “ 

But the words died on his throat and Shawn was still dealing with the turmoil on his head, with the lively image of his nightmare engulfing his brain in its almost totality, his eyes unfocused, glistening with pain and confusion under the summer moonlight, bluish-green mucky, dark. 

He made his way home in quiet contemplation, still not sure of his next step but aware enough that he would never look at Juliet the same way, her somehow raised on a higher pedestal after his new-found realization, than she was before. And the thing with her was that Shawn could see Jules for who she was, aware of her flaws and faults, being her friend for that long and still, he accepted her entirely. 

Standing on his highest pedestal didn’t signify achieving some unreachable standard, being a perfect woman, an illusional picture of a Juliet O’Hara that didn’t exist, instead, it meant being the real and pure Junior Detective he grew closer over the years, with whom he shared more than past cases and acquaintance, but history, care, acceptance, and admiration. 

God, he loved her.

For the second time, that truth struck him.

Walking past her house on his way back, more because he couldn't resist the opportunity, Shawn saw the lights were all out, TV off, she probably in her bedroom now, held by dreamland. He wanted to barge in, to wake her up just to say he loved her, just to proclaim that newfound truth that always lived in his heart from the moment they first met.

But he couldn't.

Wouldn’t break so many hearts at once.

Wouldn't risk messing things up.

Was still scared by it, confused by what that meant, how it changed him.

So Shawn passed through her house wishing her sweet dreams, taking the long way to his makeshift apartment, aware that from that day forward his life may never be the same again, but that, if what he felt was really what his grandfather felt back in the day, it was worth waiting for.

_ The best thing, the richest things, aren’t supposed to come easily. _

Despite anything else, Shawn smiled.

Because he knew that Juliet was the best and richest thing in his life. 

  
  
  



End file.
